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Liam Payne, parasocial relationships and the nuances of grief

Exploring the internet’s reaction to the One Direction member’s death.


Written by Sophie Farrar



You’re 9 years old and screaming as you rip the wrapping paper off a Christmas present to reveal One Direction’s debut album “Up All Night.” You’ve hung up their posters from Popstar! Magazine and declared Zayn Malik as your favorite member. 


"They were mourning the loss of one of their childhood heroes, idols and loves. They were mourning the end of their childhood, the end of One Direction." 

You’re 13 years old, giggling with your best friend in the hallway, wondering if she will get in trouble for wearing her sweatshirt of Harry Styles’ tattoos to school because one of them is of a naked mermaid. 


You’re 18 years old, pulling an all-nighter with that same friend on One Direction’s 10th birthday, waiting to see what the boys have planned for the monumental day. The reunion you were hoping for doesn’t happen. The reunion you were hoping for will never happen. 


You’re 22 years old, and that same friend from the hallway in middle school, who stayed up with you for 36 hours on One Direction’s 10th birthday, is texting you because Liam Payne is dead. 


Marina: “Hey… did you hear the news?” 


Evan: “Did you see…? Do you need anything? I saw the news and thought of you.” 


Emma: “Hey girl, I just want to check in and see how you are doing? If you need anything or need to talk, please call me! I love you very much!” 


Livi: “Is Liam dead?!?!?!” 


Nothing can prepare you for when one of your favorite musicians dies, especially when they pass away unexpectedly at a young age. 


I didn’t know Liam Payne. I am almost certain that no one reading this article knew Liam Payne. Despite this, when the news of his death on Oct. 16 broke, I had friends and family reaching out like I had lost a close friend, and I know I’m not the only one. 


Psychology Today defines parasocial relationships as, “one-sided relationships in which a person develops a strong sense of connection, intimacy or familiarity with someone they don’t know, most often celebrities or media personalities.” 


The term dates back to 1956 when TVs became widely available and psychologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl noticed that TV viewers began to form an “illusion of intimacy” with the characters on their screen. 


Nowadays, parasocial relationships are often discussed in relation to celebrities and influencers. 


One Direction instantly enamored the hearts of thousands when they formed in 2010, playing a pivotal part in many fans’ childhoods. With the boys being 16-18 years old at One Direction’s formation, many fans feel as if they grew up with the band since they are a similar age to its members. 


The combination of One Direction’s age and marketing as a band of relatable boys, as well as early social media allowing constant access to the band members, led fans to form parasocial relationships with One Direction. Fans grew a community of “Directioners” online, staying up-to-date and hypothesizing on the boys’ lives, feeling like they truly knew them. 


Therefore, when the news of Payne’s death broke, the now adult Directioners felt like they were losing a childhood friend, someone who they had known their whole life. 


Payne first auditioned for “The X-Factor” at 14 years old. After being cut at the judges’ houses stage, Simon Cowell encouraged Payne to come back in two years. Payne listened and auditioned again, being put in One Direction with Niall Horan, Malik, Styles and Louis Tomlinson after the boys failed to make it through the bootcamp stage individually. 


Payne left home at 16 years old and never went back. One Direction worked nonstop for the five years they were together. Albums, books, movies and tours kept them busy, eventually leading to their much deserved 18-month hiatus in 2016 turning into a permanent break. 


Payne was open about his battle with alcoholism, specifically while touring in the band. One Direction led to many good things for the boys and their fans, but it also allowed the boys to develop mental and physical health issues due to leaving home at a young age, growing up in the spotlight and working relentlessly. 


Payne was not a flawless person. The past couple of years have been tainted with controversy for him, from harmful and arrogant comments about his former bandmates on Logan Paul’s podcast, “Impaulsive,” to serious abuse allegations from his ex-girlfriend and fiancée, Maya Henry. The weeks leading up to his death were filled with hatred online as the general public became aware of the allegations and Payne clung to fame through One Direction references on his Snapchat story. 


As fans mourned Payne online, people outside the fandom watched on in confusion, alarmed at Directioners’ intense reactions and concerned with their idolization of Payne despite the hate he had received the days prior and the likely truth of his abuse of Henry. 


They didn’t consider that multiple things can be true at once. Payne was an imperfect person who did things in his life that hurt people. He was also a son, a brother, a partner, a father to a 7 year old son and a human. The loss of a human being is the loss of a human being. It can be painful no matter what kind of person they were in their life. 


You can mourn the loss of someone and still acknowledge that they were perhaps not the greatest person. You can mourn someone who hurt you. Someone who doesn’t deserve your sympathy. Someone who wronged you. Grief is nuanced and personal to everyone who experiences it. 


You can mourn someone who was in your favorite band, someone who you never really knew. Many fans were not mourning the man Payne had become, but instead the boy they thought they knew when One Direction was together. They were mourning the loss of one of their childhood heroes, idols and loves. They were mourning the end of their childhood, the end of One Direction. 


It’s okay if you’re sad that Payne died. A parasocial loss is a loss nonetheless. You don’t have to feel bad for mourning someone who played a significant role in your life. You can grieve the loss of Payne while recognizing his faults as a human. 


Reach out to your loved ones. Addiction is a serious disease. You never know when someone could use some extra support. 


Rest in peace, Liam. 


“Goodbyes are bittersweet, but it’s not the end, I’ll see your face again.” – “Walking in the Wind,” One Direction.

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